ABOUT THIS BLOG:

Featured

Posted on July 21, 2010 by meirav

Welcome to my endless roller coaster of thoughts fueled by my feet. I’ve been running every morning, all over NYC since September 2000. I DON’T do races, belong to a club, or run with another person. I’m not that fast, I don’t always time myself, and I have no idea what my resting heart rate is… I DO run outside every day whether its freezing or sweltering, I run through brutal hangovers, lack of sleep, and anything else life brings on.

I ran through both my pregnancies. 5 days a week/ about 45 min per day and I’m proud to say I ran 4 miles the day Zoey was born on Oct. 20th 2010 and 3.5 miles the day Riley was born on Nov. 28th, 2013!

I guess that either makes you think I’m awesome or… you fucking hate me.

I ran forever to Catch your breath Riley

Gallery

Posted on June 12, 2016 by meirav

This gallery contains 4 photos.

Sometimes Riley has a hard time breathing. Today I ran on the FDR in between Riley’s Nebulizer treatments at the hospital. I ran so fast and i cried so hard. I wanted to scream. I ran so that I could walk … Continue reading →

No Judgment Day – I ran 6 miles by the waterfront in BK

Posted on April 12, 2016 by meirav

EVERYTHING

I ran to EVERYTHING this morning on repeat. I pictured being in a foreign city, not speaking the language, not knowing anyone, and running for hours through the sunrise by the water.

This song felt like a place I want to go to… Like a state of mind I wish I could maintain

Instead, in real life, I feel permanently exhausted

I never knew I could love my kids as much as I do. I’ve been blindsided by this love.

And I never knew that the weight of this love would wear me down.

I never knew how much I would need the community around me to maintain sanity as I raised them. I never new how fearful I would be of what the people around me thought of my choices.

In the past, I always stood tall by my choices but I think I share this realization with many mothers when I say: no matter how confident you may be in your choices u always kind of wonder how other people will react to them when you’re raising a child.

You want to set an example and be strong willed but you also feel like u want to surround your kid with good kids who’s parents make good choices. So we end up judging. Why? Because we’re scared. Because we judge ourselves all the time. Because we have no idea how to protect our children from the things that may go wrong…

But we really shouldn’t judge each other during this vulnerable time.

Easier said than done.

Why do we get on each other’s case and rip into each other behind closed doors while we readily admit to ourselves and our therapists that we think we are fucking up every single day?

I know so many kids who grew up with amazing and loving parents, went to incredible schools, had amazing opportunities and endless support, and are now alone and unhappy.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t TRY to give our children everything. This isn’t to say we shouldn’t be supportive and open minded to their choices…

On the flip side, this does not go to say we shouldn’t judge others choices because let’s be honest: we will. We are human and that’s what humans do…

But maybe we can give each other a break? Maybe give ourselves a break?

Half the time I truly don’t know what is right or wrong. Is pretending the right thing to do? Should I make it seem like I have it all under control when I’m really holding it all together with safely pins and hoping nothing comes apart at the wrong time?

Let’s not forget that our choices are half chance. Let’s hope for the best and Maybe get off each other’s backs? Maybe then we could learn how to give ourselves a break as we could all really use it.

70 Min from NYU ER to Park Slope via Manhattan Bridge

Posted on March 3, 2015 by meirav

Everyone knows that at some point in one’s first few years of life they should lose a finger.

Today we got lucky.

Today we ALMOST lost a finger in a metal door.

Zoey you were super brave and everyone at the ER fell in love with you (and called you a fashionista because of course u had one of your glorious ensembles on including pink faux fur and a tutu….)

After the X-ray I got you a pretzel… and of course we got in trouble for eating on the hospital bed (which makes no sense…)

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When we were finally done we ran home…

FDR —-> Manhattan Bridge —-> Tillary St —–> Flatbush —–> HOME

We sang a song the whole way.

We made it up.

I wanted to record it but my phone died… and when we got home we were singing it over and over again but then we forgot how it went and kept trying different melodies but it didn’t come back to us

The lyrics were: I wanna Hear you SING! I wanna hear you SING! I bet the whole wide world would love to hear you SING!!

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My Life on mute and the sound of snow… 70 minutes by the water in Dumbo

Posted on February 3, 2015 by meirav

I stopped writing because I’m bored by what I say.

Today was beautiful.

The snow fell everywhere and no one was out… I was alone. The city felt like it was on mute.

My life feels on mute.

I still have my run. I remind myself to feel proud.

Everything is silent and quiet and steady… and I’m in it… all alone.

I know why I keep going out there… but I’m not sure how I haven’t quit yet. I don’t recognize the part of myself that pushes me out the door… But I know that it’s the part of me that I like the best.

Sometimes I think about how I knew everything when I was little. Why can’t I go back there?

This run might be my only proof that I’m still in there.. So I’m hanging on to it.

I insist.

…and I insist on believing in magic. The kind of magic that leaves small minded people feeling uncomfortable.

…and I’m well aware that In the end it will either save me or wreck me.

Today was beautiful… Like a picture I couldn’t touch

…and It was cold and white … and I know this can’t actually be true but I could hear the snow.

60 minutes in the park. Stuck words….

Posted on August 23, 2014 by meirav

Today my run felt like it was 5 min long. I was deep In thought and I ran faster than I have in a while…

Zoey is turning 4 in October.

Sometimes Zoey wants to say something but it won’t come out. Her words get “stuck”. So she starts to cry and sometimes stomps her feet and sometimes hits whomever is trying to talk her out of it… She gets into this trance that I used to define as “Fucking INSANE!!”

For a long while I had no idea how to pull her out of it..

Every time it happened I would get so frustrated. I would put her in a time out. Sometimes I would put myself in a time out…

I Googled “tantrums in 3 year olds” and read about how this was “normal” and “happens all the time” and found all this advice on how to “prevent tantrums” and “end tantrums”

Still.. I was never able to understand where they came from. I wasn’t convinced that all 3 year olds “just do this”

Kids are just like us right?… Little people who get frustrated at the things that bother them. Different people get bothered by different things… RIGHT?

SIDE NOTE:

Anyway… I couldn’t figure out what was bothering Zoey.

Now I know: Her words get “Stuck”. Sometimes when she wants to say something or ask for something she just can’t.

When I was running today I was thinking about being misunderstood… about how it feels… how it leaves u lost…

I’m often misunderstood.

My words are never stuck.

…But sometimes I really wish they were.

Hudson: I’m over you. 60 quiet minutes in the blazing sunshine….

Posted on August 4, 2014 by meirav

Every time I used to run on the Hudson I felt like I was revisiting an old friend. I have always loved returning to my original running zone and telling it stories about everything that’s happened in my life since my last visit.

Just to be clear: I don’t actually TALK. I’m not retarded. Its more of an internal conversation.

Today I didn’t want to “talk”. I’m over you Hudson. I’m over your expensive bullshit and your beautiful expansions and your oversized gym and retarded movie trailers and lunch spreads. I’m over the CSI intern circus, running around like the coffee they are holding is about to save someone’s life. I’ve had so many fantasies about running into one of those bullshit, frantic teenagers.

I’m OVER you Hudson.

I’m over your bullshit.

And, yes I MIGHT always love you a LITTLE bit.. BUT I’m no longer interested in looking back. There are so many places in this world and I think it’s time I find a new favorite route.

It’s not prospect park – I’m pretty sure of that…

I’m not sure where in the world it is… but I can’t wait to figure it out

60 minutes in Prospect Park – My new coping mechanism is born today

Posted on July 24, 2014 by meirav

Yes running is amazing and great but guess what: It’s not enough anymore.

It’s not enough to keep me sane through this “phase”.

So… Here is a new thing I’m incorporating into my life:

When I want to scream/cry/run away I drop to the floor and do 50 situps. I know this sounds insane but really it’s not at all. Think about it. If you could apply all your angst/fear/overwhelmingness to your abs – you’d have a six pack.

According to my calculations, in about one week I should look like this:

So… what am I waiting for?

I mean… I’m producing an independent show for Dreamworks, Applying for jobs, and developing another show on the side – all the while raising two girls who are literally INSANE and TINY PEOPLE.

Raising a 4 year old and 8 month old is like being a personal assistant of an alcoholic, ADD, ADHD, OCD rockstar with serious anger management issues. The only difference is that you can’t walk away. You can’t quit this job. OH and nobody pays you.

50 sit ups. This is my new coping mechanism.

And if it doesn’t work I’m resorting to alcohol.

70 minutes in prospect Park… Lost in thought… Hero on repeat

Posted on July 21, 2014 by meirav

My song of the day… looping it to death… Can’t stop

My brain felt both quiet and loud today… I’m always thinking so much…

Today I’m searching for a neutral place in my head… I could have run forever

65 minutes in Prospect park.. IN. THE. HEAT.

Posted on July 14, 2014 by meirav

It’s REALLY humid out and I came back from my run looking gross. I seriously looked like i dove into a pool of my own sweat.

I’ve been thinking about job stuff nonstop… My career, my potential, the people I choose to work with and how I go about my work…

I realized that not having a schedule and working from home has made it easy to eat junk food. Eating Junk food clouds my mind. A clouded mind makes for a less productive mind. A less productive mind feels uninspired and creates less. Less creation causes boredom and lack of momentum… and it’s just a vicious cycle.

I realized that no matter where this life takes me I am better off when I’m around people and working on things that inspire me.

60 minutes in Prospect Park… Fuck this humid NYC heat….

Posted on July 9, 2014 by meirav

I ran for 60 minutes in the Park today thinking about how I’m ruining Riley’s life because I dropped her off at daycare…

I do realize that I drop her off like a total nut job mom type every day. But I honestly don’t care.

She is 7 months old and she NEEDS her pacifiers to be freezing cold, her formula to be just the right “warm temperature” and she needs to fall asleep with a blanket I freshly sprayed with “See” by Chloe because that’s what mommy smells like so f*uck all ya’ll if u don’t like it.

I hate myself.

I’m THAT mom that leaves and they All roll their eyes and probably are like “fucking get a nanny and keep her at home of that’s how specific your needs are” but I don’t want to. I want her to be around kids and I want the teachers to remember everything I say because honestly if I had that job I would. I know I would because I’ve done MUCH harder jobs that requires a lot more juggling and once I take something on that requires attention to detail I don’t take it lightly. I pay attention to the fucking details.

I crush it.

I expect these people to do the same. Especially since they are the reason I can’t even consider going to Paris for a weekend.

I decided to come to terms with the fact that sometimes I’m an asshole. I’m not going to pretend it’s not true. I know I am. I know it sucks. I own this shitty aspect of my personality and right at this point in my life I choose to NOT work on it.

It’s so frekin hot and humid and as torturous as it is I’ve been feeling pretty good afterwards… Thank GOD for running… I needed to get a lot of frustrations out today… Clearly.

I Run This Place: NYC

RUN WITH A BUN