I can’t believe this shit.
Imagine taking 6 pain killers and then heading out for a run. THAT is what today felt like. I seriously wanted to die.
I’m sitting on the couch after a shower and then a bath with Zoey that involved a lot of fake swimming and Dora the Explorer drowning (and Minni Mouse saving her)… I have ZERO energy. Not even enough energy to reach for a glass of water…
I’m not feeling so sick in the morning but as soon as I get out there I feel like I’m running through quick sand… and my lungs feel like they can tolerate HALF of what they were able to tolerate about a month ago…
Is this really what happened last time? Why am i DOING THIS??
Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was huffing and puffing about 1 minute into my run today and it only got worse.
Let me describe this to you: RAIN. 40 degrees. uphill. a feeling in my stomach, legs and head that I can only associate with….VOMIT??? Death??? It was kind of like… getting run over by a car and then shooting right up and starting to run a marathon.
I’m a crazy person. We all knew this. Now we have REAL proof.
We have a fancy reservation at NYU at noon today…. I am about to go for a short run on the treadmill…
I woke up this AM… not nervous anymore. Well… A little nervous I wont lie. But I’m going in there thinking I can take anything.
Instead of freaking out I’m going to list the things that are about to happen that I’m so HAPPY about:
1 – Meeting Zoey
2 – losing TEN POUNDS IN ONE DAY
3 – Drinking Tequila
4 – 4 weeks of NOT WORKING!
5 – Sleeping on my belly (in 3 hour increments… I know)
6 – I did it – I ran through these 9 months! I’m proud
7 – My husband has the cutest tushy I have ever seen
8 – My first run in 9 months not carrying a bowling ball
9 – SUSHI!!
10 – Skinny jeans
This entire pregnancy I’ve had one dream about Zoey. She was crawling around on the floor and i crawled up to her and smelled her… and I cuddled up next to her and we both fell asleep. You know how the smell of someone you love can literally change you inside? This was just like that except ten times stronger… I know it sounds funny but I can;t wait to know her smell and to feel her… I can’t wait to meet you little girl…
I ran with Amit today – It might have been my last run … I’m so exhausted…
I’m overwhelmed and completely dazed these days.
I’ve been running every other day and I’m feeling pretty good physically… My mental state is ALL over the place…
My runs are harder to enjoy mostly because of the fact that I keep feeling like I’m going to pee on myself….
I’m approaching the end of a challenge that I’ve set out for myself and I can’t tell how I feel. Am I proud? Content? Did I know I’d do this all along? Maybe running is just this fixture in my life that will remain constant regardless of what I go through?
I don’t really know.
I do know one thing though. I want to share this experience with other pregnant women who want to run through their pregnancy. I, somehow, want to help them but I don’t know how.
I have to run to work but I’m going to think about this a little more and write later….
I can NOT believe I ran today. I literally stopped about 6 times to pee… I got through it somehow… Omg… HOW AM I STILL DOING THIS????
Amit’s Grandfather died this AM. It broke my heart to see Amit sad… He is so rarely sad so when he is it’s completely heart breaking..
I had to go to the hospital for a growth scan and it was the first time I went alone. When I came home I ran in the park… My mind full of thoughts about life and death and how its hard and sad and about Amit’s Grandmother…
My run was incredible because all I could focus on was the trees and the air and my thoughts…
7 days left
Side note: I peed 6 times this past hour.
I ran on the treadmill today. I just hopped on mid-day and ran mostly because I was bored… I hardly slept last night and woke up at 8 am then slept again around 10 am and woke up at noon… I’m just getting by on naps these days… no REM sleep necessary…
I’ve been trying to do the one day “on” one day “off” thing, so that I don’t get too tired from my run… but sometimes I’m just restless and I need to get my blood flowing so I ran today even though I ran yesterday….
I’m so tired right now… it’s almost 9 pm… I met some work people for dinner a few blocks away… and I SO wish I could just pass out now… but I know it won’t happen. I know I will be up for at least another 4 hours before I find a good position.
Amit’s not home. This means I get to watch a dumb chick flick which I NEVER get to do when he’s here!
I would do almost anything to sleep on my stomach…
I wonder if I could carve a hole in the bed…
I am so spent after these runs these days that I can hardly write!
I’m officially 11 days away and going for a run means I’m cutting my energy in half (at least) that day.
Its crazy. She’s heavy. I’m feeling so proud and great after the last few runs I had and there’s really no one to share it with.
I mean – I can tell my husband and my friends but there’s this part of me that wishes I did this with someone… Someone going through the same thing… So we can look at each other and be like… Holy fuck! We are fucking motherfuckers!!!! How have we lasted this long???
Its hard to high 5 a blog…
But still – this has been such a crazy ride… These days have been beautiful so I’ve been running in the park… Its harder but I feel great after… Fresh air, sun, and people’s faces make up 50% of what I love about running. I get encouraging comments every time I go out there. Feeling the weather and looking at the sky and smelling grass is completely intoxicating these days… Do I sound like a crazy person? I am.
Ever since the indoor/outdoor switch I’ve been running every other day which is good because I’m exhausted most of the time and have been running around the city doing errands and getting last min stuff…
I know everything is about to change. I know life will never be the same… I know that this is something I can’t go back on and I may feel exhausted and miserable for a bit but I don’t care. I know I’ll get through it.
Every time I run my heart is pumping harder and getting stronger.
…And in my head I keep thinking… I can’t wait to meet you… I can’t wait to meet you…