Just because I haven’t written anything in a long time doesn’t mean I haven’t been running.

It also doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking.

…And of course chasing my own “thinking tail” and running in circles in my own head… Even though I’m really running a straight line in real life.  And it feels … sometimes… like it’s leading straight into the depths of nowhere. (in the case of this morning – Roosevelt Island. – which is kind of worse than nowhere if you really think about it)

I curse the fact that I need to be inspired and challanged.  I hate that i feel I MUST lead an incredible life.  It’s so exhausting… It leaves no room to enjoy the good weather.

Yesterday it rained and I didn’t mind.

Today: Hope feels like a lot of work.

Sometimes I think that the need to feel extraordinary is actually crushing me.  Sometimes I think the coffee I’m drinking is not as  strong as it could be.

There is one thing that’s great about being me.  It’s that when I finally do feel good (or accomplished or inspired) I feel elated and I know I’m in a place that most people never get to be.

I spent most of the winter running on a treadmill.  Last week I started running outside again.  My thoughts have felt invisible for a while but now at least they feel like they are floating up into the sky where they can breath.