Just because I haven’t written anything in a long time doesn’t mean I haven’t been running.
It also doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking.
…And of course chasing my own “thinking tail” and running in circles in my own head… Even though I’m really running a straight line in real life. And it feels … sometimes… like it’s leading straight into the depths of nowhere. (in the case of this morning – Roosevelt Island. – which is kind of worse than nowhere if you really think about it)
I curse the fact that I need to be inspired and challanged. I hate that i feel I MUST lead an incredible life. It’s so exhausting… It leaves no room to enjoy the good weather.
Yesterday it rained and I didn’t mind.
Today: Hope feels like a lot of work.
Sometimes I think that the need to feel extraordinary is actually crushing me. Sometimes I think the coffee I’m drinking is not as strong as it could be.
There is one thing that’s great about being me. It’s that when I finally do feel good (or accomplished or inspired) I feel elated and I know I’m in a place that most people never get to be.
I spent most of the winter running on a treadmill. Last week I started running outside again. My thoughts have felt invisible for a while but now at least they feel like they are floating up into the sky where they can breath.