I ripped that treadmill into shreds this morning. I woke up after having slept a total of 5 hours I think… due partly, I’m sure, to yet another terrifying nightmare (WHERE are these coming from??)… and I went down there and took it all out on that endless black rotating belt.
FUCK THAT BELT.
Some dude was running next to me and I ran FASTER than him on purpose. In my head we were racing the ultimate Olympic challenge of a lifetime and I turned around to him and said “That’s right bitch. I’m a girl AND I’m 6 and a half months pregnant so how much of a pussy does that make YOU?”
I normally stop after about 20 minutes to stretch but NO – not this time. That poor soul was going down. I’m not sure why but he became the target of all my anger, frustration, and confusion… I directed it all at him and when he finally stopped before me and got off the treadmill huffing and puffing I felt a million times better. My mission was complete. That sucker LOST.
He turned around and smiled which led me to believe he knew we were racing… and the smile made him kind of a nice guy… so now I felt bad about directing these terrible angry thoughts at him. I kept going for another 10 minutes and thought “Don’t cry.. just don’t cry.. don’t cry”
I went upstairs and Amit (who I woke up at 5 AM to shake the nightmare out of me so he kind of knew I was sleep deprived and a little “off” this morning) said a few things to make me feel better. These things would work if I was normal today but I’m not so they didn’t… And I know he means it… And I know he wants me to feel better and hates watching me go through these crazy hormonal insane ups and downs… but I just can’t snap into feeling better after having a vivid nightmare about him being a sex addict who acts like David Duchovny in Californiacation… although I do love that character… he is kind of a mess but there’s something endearing about it… and they managed to work things out even though he was a sex addict… and that was real life not just a nightmare… Maybe not THAT real because it’s a show on Showtime… and come to think of it.. they actually didn’t work things out… so NO it’s not OK. And there’s no chance it will be. Ever.
I’m not going to try and figure out why I’m crazy right now. I have too much to do today.