I ran to EVERYTHING this morning on repeat.  I pictured being in a foreign city, not speaking the language, not knowing anyone, and running for hours through the sunrise by the water.

This song felt like a place I want to go to… Like a state of mind I wish I could maintain

Instead, in real life, I feel permanently exhausted

I never knew I could love my kids as much as I do.  I’ve been blindsided by this love.

And I never knew that the weight of this love would wear me down.

I never knew how much I would need the community around me to maintain sanity as I raised them.  I never new how fearful I would be of what the people around me thought of my choices.

In the past, I always stood tall by my choices but I think I share this realization with many mothers when I say: no matter how confident you may be in your choices u always kind of wonder how other people will react to them when you’re raising a child.

You want to set an example and be strong willed but you also feel like u want to surround your kid with good kids who’s parents make good choices.  So we end up judging.  Why? Because we’re scared.  Because we judge ourselves all the time.  Because we have no idea how to protect our children from the things that may go wrong…

But we really shouldn’t judge each other during this vulnerable time.

Easier said than done.

Why do we get on each other’s case and rip into each other behind closed doors while we readily admit to ourselves and our therapists that we think we are fucking up every single day?

I know so many kids who grew up with amazing and loving parents, went to incredible schools, had amazing opportunities and endless support, and are now alone and unhappy.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t TRY to give our children everything.  This isn’t to say we shouldn’t be supportive and open minded to their choices…

On the flip side, this does not go to say we shouldn’t judge others choices because let’s be honest: we will.  We are human and that’s what humans do…

But maybe we can give each other a break?  Maybe give ourselves a break?

Half the time I truly don’t know what is right or wrong.  Is pretending the right thing to do? Should I make it seem like I have it all under control when I’m really holding it all together with safely pins and hoping nothing comes apart at the wrong time?

Let’s not forget that our choices are half chance. Let’s hope for the best and Maybe get off each other’s backs? Maybe then we could learn how to give ourselves a break as we could all really use it.