Sad Run… Sad Day… 50 Min in Prospect Park… No runners high today

When I started running seriously (about 15 years ago) I always had to run with music.  I wore sneakers all day long, I stretched in the middle Of my meetings, and sessions, I read runners magazine religiously, I spent time making a running playlist and never left the house without my “Sony sports cd player” that supposedly didn’t skip… Yea right.

Each run meant something during those first few years.  Running on vacation gave me a head start because I’d always come back with a name of a bar/restaurant/ coffee shop that we should go to later.  I felt like I understood the runner community personality and it always gave me Insight on the culture.  (runners in Spain are my favorite – they say hi and cheer u on – best running culture ever…)

I’m not 100% sure why all these thoughts are popping up in my head.  I think it’s because running used to be this magic drug that saved me from everything and now it’s more of a predictable routine.

Don’t get me wrong – it still helps me put things in perspective every single day.  It still makes me feel better and healthier and happier.  But when something happens that truly makes me sad – it doesn’t erase it anymore.

I do know why these thoughts brewing in my head…  Because I’m basically in a holding pattern, waiting for my heart to be broken…

ok ok ok I know that sounds extremely melodramatic and if I tell u it’s work related it makes it seem Even more ridiculous but here’s the thing: my work is my heart and soul and it’s rare to make a connection with someone on a level that makes u blind to all other options.  This person is about to tell me that we can’t work together and I know that hearing that is going to suck so bad…

I can put things in perspective.  Everyone is replaceable and theres always someone new around the corner who is inspiring and amazing but… I just don’t care right now.  I hardly ever have my heart set on a person and this time I did.

I really wish that i could say my awesome run in the park erased the way I feel.  But It didn’t…

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