It’s still HOT like HELL and I’m still stuck on a treadmill but today my mind was NOT in the basement.  My run was incredible… I didn’t want to stop and I got really happy thinking about little Z and how she feels this surge of adrenaline too.

Last night I had Anne stick a bunch of needles into my legs and of course I cried with happiness as my body sunk into a state of complete bliss… I love that woman… She’s like an angel magician…

20 minutes and a bucket of happy tears later I left the acupuncture office and went to a party at Amit’s office on Perry street… Ate a great veggie sandwich… washed it down with tons of ice water… YUM.  I was on a high.

This morning I could not get out of bed but as soon as I got some coffee flowing through my veins and the new Sky Ferreira song I’m obsessed with (LISTEN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byIHw4SmGic ) in my Ipod I skipped out the door into the … <GASP> Basement….

I blasted my music and pretended I wasn’t there.  In my head i went to a completely different place.  I thought up a perfect fantasy about publishing all my kids stories and my illustrations and traveling the world with Amit and little Z and running every morning through amazing new places and meeting new people and then i pictured running through amazing sunsets on the beach somewhere in the South of France (this is actually an excerpt of a real life experience… once I ran on the beach in this place called St. Jean De Luz… it was raining and warm and I could not believe how beautiful it was… GO THERE! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint-Jean-de-Luz )

I am fully aware that I know nothing about this parenting business yet but I think i figured out ONE important thing.  I’m going to be as happy for you as I possibly can little Z.  I will worry less for you and I’ll be kind to myself for you… I’ve already picked the best dad (<cough cough> Papa) you could ever possibly have… I’m on the right track.

I know life is always going to be hard on some days… I know I won’t always feel great… whether its chemical or just reality smacking me in the face with some bullshit… But I know that I can put it all in perspective and gracefully plug through it.  I’ll get better at catching myself when I’m down because this is what I want to teach you.  I want you to know that we can’t possibly control what life will bring but no matter what we will find a way to laugh about it.