I’ve noticed this weird pattern this week of waking up with absolutely ZERO motivation to move and then all of a sudden finding myself on the treadmill and full of energy… running at a faster speed and not wanting to stop.  I actually could have run outside today but chose to run inside.  I know that sounds crazy after bitching about the treadmill for so long but honestly i have to pee every 3 seconds so I got nervous about being outside.. plus I was late… plus… I don’t know I was really half asleep and kind of sleep walked towards the gym on the 3rd floor….

I watched Regis and Kelly.

I thought about my job… I thought about how I just ended up at the treadmill for no reason.  Not because of what I wanted but because I was half asleep.  I compared that to my job… where am I?  Am I half asleep?

I felt so disapointed about the way things are going in my professional life when I woke up this morning… I want more.  I NEED more.  I’m the only one who can change that.  I know…

A second later I felt Amit kiss my cheek and I felt like a teenager who had a crush and woke up next to the guy she’s been looking at for months… how much more could I possibly love this guy?…   I smiled and then my heart dropped.  I  became completely overwhelmed with confusion about how one aspect of my life could be so perfect and amazing and the other be so… in the toilet…

I thought I was good at balance.