Lots of Boobs running up and down the streets of NY.  Let’s talk about this for a minute.

What’s the real story behind boobs? Why are men so infatuated with them? Why are women so concerned with them?  Why do some men have them? Is it really all about size? Or do we factor in personality? Not sure I grasp it fully yet but I’m on a mission to explore.  These were my thoughts this AM while running.

Let us dive in shall we?

Mine are small.  Minis.

I’ve been called pancake chest, marshmallow girl, mini muffin tops, “why are you smuggling raisins?” etc etc… I love my boobs.  I’d die if I had BAZOOKAS because I would never be able to run with those.  Plus I’d have back pain.  Not fun.  I enjoy looking petite and being comfortable.

Perks (ha) of having small boobs include: Any swimsuit top fits.  I can wear tank tops with no bras.  I can wear anything with no bra.

Life is a blast for small boob chicks.

Side Note (for guys): Its not REALLY OK to stare at a girls boobs when she’s talking to u.  Yes she notices. Yes she hates it. Yes its kind of juvenile.  But here’s the deal: If you’re gonna be that guy then stare at the small ones too.  Why leave us out? Why not give small boob girls a reason to get annoyed for a minute too? Don’t discriminate.

Anyway, the boobs I see running around the city clearly come from many different backgrounds.  Some are well behaved and tamed.  Some look depressed and saggy.  Some are controlled, bound tightly, and locked into place.  Some are bouncy, some are 99.9% not real… And all chicks who run always have some sort of a strategy in figuring out the boob situation when it comes to work out time.  Us girls have pretty intense relationships with packaging our boobs.  It’s a job (for some).

OK.. what’s next?

Boob jobs.
Let’s talk about those for a sec.

Lesson #1: Girls who weight 100 lbs, have a tiny frame and a giant perky rack resting perfectly parallel to their chins have most likely had some sort of alteration, enhancement done.

Now… I know I said I was judging last time I wrote.  And i don’t take that back.  Let me put some of that judgment to work:

Seriously girls… Don’t do that.  Have u felt fake boobs before? Very rubbery.  Plus your nipples will be hard forever.  Not just when u are having sex, not just when you’re cold, not just when u have the chills.

FOR.
EVER.

Not so fun right?

Guys: Encouraging this type of behavior will only increase your chances of finding yourself in a silicon strip show when you bring home your girl of choice.  A one night stand with the rubber mountains… Is that what you really want? Be honest.  I’m curious.

Plus a bunch of you suckers end up paying for these surgeries which is probably the funniest part of this whole shitshow.

Ok now here’s my favorite topic of all: Man boobs.

Ummmm.. Hi?

Have u been privy to the hairy undefined flapping man boob? Not a fun time…

How about the Ultra white saggy gynormous pink nipple MB? Not that appetizing either…

Men should probably avoid growing man boobs if they can.

First signs of man boobs include:

A: Your MBs are starting to look a little bit more like your girlfriend’s
B: Your MBs are puffy
C: Your MBs are swollen
D: Your MBs are doing a dance you’ve never seen them do before

There.
There’s your bullet proof list.  Live by it (if possible – If not just find someone who loves you unconditionally for who you are).

What does all this have to do with running?
A lot.

If everyone ran every day they would feel better. Period.

FACT: Every time you run. Your boobs will run with you. Big or small.  Saggy or perky.

There’s my tie in.

Now go out there and run a few miles and feel happy about your boobs.  Celebrate.