Running has been harder than ever these days… I have zero motivation and all I can think about is sleeping…

I’m about to go down for a run and I don’t even know why… Wtf am I doing this for anyway? Oh yes… I’m doing it to feel a LITTLE better and a LITTLE less crazy….

I seriously don’t c the point in doing anything anymore (except for sleeping)… Even drinking bottled water is totally pointless because I pee 8 times an hour – I should just pour my water straight into the toilet… Save myself a step… And then go back to bed… I want to sleep more… Sleep… Sleep… Zzz….

I’ll finish writing when I’m back BLAH!!

45 min later…

I’m so happy I ran… It feels so good to not feel like a zombie… I’m actually energized by it and I feel more awake, less nausious, less annoyed at being so huge, and just so much better in general..

Its so hard to get out there these days and I’ve not experienced that feeling in YEARS… I always wake up and WANT to run…

I spent 2 hours reorganizing things and planning out my toiletries bag for the hospital bag.  I also hung a scarf rack and put up all my scarves and hats on it… I looked at some pictures… Thought about cribs… Ate a pop tart… Threw the bathroom mat in the laundry… Did some dishes… Cleaned out the fridge… Bought a cookie (fuck! I forgot it at home… Now I really want it) and drank my coffee… Did I say that already? Whatever who cares.

I am totally insane and my runs are pretty much the only sure thing I can rely on to anchor me through this mess…

Will I ever be the same?