I ran on the treadmill today AND yesterday and I fucking hated it.  I feel like I’m running in a caged box and it’s so much worse after having had a few days in the breezy park.

I’m frustrated today… I’ve got too much on my mind.

I wish I had my own schedule and I wish I loved what I was doing every day.

I’m more excited about my family than anything else in my life right now and as much as that’s OK considering all the changes we are going through… I really want to have that thing that’s only mine… that thing I’m proud of that I do and support myself through.. It feels so far away… like it’s behind a glass door.  Why is it not IN my life? On this side of the door.

I can picture exactly what I want but somehow I don’t know the way there…

It feels like I’ve been doing everything wrong…

I can’t believe how much I want to just walk away from the world right now.  I have no patience for anyone or anything.  I care so LITTLE about most things that should really matter to me.

In the perfect dream I would be walking along a street in my life and everything behind me would just crumble into nothing.  I want everything that I’ve touched to disappear and I want to start all over again.

I want to move with Amit to a place I’ve never seen in the past and never talk to anyone I knew before I got there… so that I can have this baby in a place where I haven’t made mistakes yet…