I woke up feeling really good today.  Of course I’m at the Dream Hotel and we left Zoey with my parents for the weekend so…………….. today will be a non sick day for me I can tell.  No running, no vitamins, no responsibility except for sitting by the pool and having petit dejeuner… hmmmmmmmmm……………….

This SUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This does NOT suck less because it’s the second time around.

This sucks just as much and seriously it actually feels worse because I remember how bad it was and I’m going through this whole nightmare AGAIN.

Today was stupid.  It was so hard.  I’m such a moron.

I want to move to CA. I want to live in beautiful weather and never take a subway Again.  I want to own a Production company and write amazing stories and songs for the rest of my life.  I want to get back into music – I miss it and need it in my life.  I want to start a branding company with Adam. I want another kid. I want all these things and it doesn’t matter if they have t happened yet.  I’m going to make them happen.

I’m so tired – I feel like I’m running in my sleep.  There is this part of me that is hanging on somehow but I keep questioning why I’m doing this.  every time I walk out the door.  Today Zoey didn’t want me to leave. She reached up to me and she said “hold me tight” and it was the best moment.  She gives the best hugs.  They always smell like shampoo and peanut butter…

I ran 6 miles in prospect park… Huffing and puffing… It feels like i am smoking a pack a day…

Get me through these next few months.  Please!!! I can’t wait till I feel better… In terrified of everyone’s reaction but I know I’m going to kick ass during this pregnancy.  I’m going to start a production company and a branding company and they will both be amazing.  Nothing is holding me back this time.

I’m fucking freezing and I ran in Prospect Park today – 55 minutes – not sure how far…

Am I really doing this again? I go from being so happy to TERRIFIED.  Overall I have this feeling though… I’m welcoming the challenge.

Happy to have a purpose in my runs.  They have become so mundane lately – this is different.

It’s sunny out.  My breathing is heavy.  My sneakers are never tied too tight – its like slipping on slippers.  Ive been doing this for years – way before “Born To Run” and before people started wearing sneakers that look like gloves.

I can still pass everyone  because I’m faster!  But that’s going to change (a little) very soon.

I remember passing some dudes in central park when I was 7/8 months and them being like “oh man… This is embarrassing”

I love this challenge.

I remember this

Sometimes when you’re making something and you’re deep in the process you forget everything else.  You forget that you’re broke, you forget that you haven’t eaten in hours, you forget that there’s a chance it may go nowhere.

I’m just saying…